What Are You Missing?

Yesterday I was in the shoe store trying very hard to buy a new pair of hiking shoes.  My arches are low and so are my ankles.  It makes it very difficult to purchase shoes.  What I realize each time I go to the shoe store, finally, is that growing up I never felt like I “deserved” a new pair of shoes.  That’s my own self-esteem issues.  So each trip to the shoe store for me as a child was emotional, if I even went!   I kept saying, “No, Mom.  These shoes fit fine.”  NOW, I say….I deserve a pair of shoes that fit!  Why am I bringing this up?  Two reasons….I overheard a woman in the store state the following to the sales person, “I need a running shoe with more padding because it hurts my knee and foot to run now.”  What?  Your body is telling you it hurts to do what you are doing, so you’re going to buy something to mask that feeling?  What is she missing?  The second reason is self-esteem, self-worth.  What do you deserve in your life?  And how can you get it?  What feelings are you missing, hiding and masking yourself? 

Have you ever said to yourself, “It gives me a stomach ache to eat this, so I better take an antacid before I eat it.”  Why are you eating it?  What part of you is saying you don’t deserve to feel good?  Do you believe you are limited?  I’m all about feeling the feeling.  Too many times, growing up, most of us were all told at some time, to not feel that, to stop crying and just grow up, to eat this cookie so you will stop feeling sad.  How are you substituting “feeling” today?  Eating, drinking, smoking, picking your skin, sex?  Time to utilize new resources and allow the good to come to you.  You may have to feel some feelings first though. You must first love yourself.  The outer world is a reflection of the inner world. How can I help?  Below are some ideas for you to try.  If you’ve tried some of them, try something else or try again. Best of all they are all things you can do at home and without spending any money.  

EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques):  Tapping (EFT) removes negative feelings and beliefs.  It combines Mind Body medicine with Acupuncture without needles, you tap on the meridian points.  And you do it on yourself!  I’ve just discovered this one.  This technique is done in response to an uncomfortable feeling.  While stating your belief or feeling, you tap on certain points. You stop at the moment, when resistance comes up, and notice the feeling and release it through tapping.  If you can’t figure something out, tap on it.  I did this yesterday when I was struggling over how to tell someone something that was uncomfortable for me.  That night, I came up with the perfect way to do it.  If you are feeling anxious, tap on it.  If you can’t find the answer, tap on it.  I’ve used it in the last two days for the following things: I wanted to eat and I wasn’t hungry, I was feeling stressed about work, an email from a friend hurt me.  Here are some sites to do your own research: http://www.emofree.com/newcomer.htm



Meditation and Yoga:  I can’t say enough about yoga.  To me, everything is a meditation, every opportunity can be a time for a stretch.  Brushing my teeth, driving the car, sitting and just staring out the window.  Slowing down the thoughts in your mind.  Doing only one thing at a time.  Staying in the present moment.  And when the resistance shows up, ’cause it will, stop and just breathe.  Notice what feelings come up.  Do some tapping.  Write your feelings down.  Talk to someone you trust. Yoga is meant to release imbedded thoughts, patterns, pain and feeling.  Sometimes that comes up as a physical symptom, sometimes an emotional release.  I don’t mean the fast moving yoga.  Try Hatha, Kripalu, Yin, or Restorative yoga. 

Walking in Nature (or something that brings you joy):  Are you missing time to yourself?  The more you can do something that you enjoy, the more you will attract and build on this sense of joy and well-being.  Put the intention out there that you want to feel joy. You deserve to feel good. It is everyone’s birthright.

Stopping the behavior:  When you want to understand a behavior, stop doing it.  How cool is that?  I’ve used this phrase many times.  For example; If you are using food as your escape mechanism, try a one day fast.  Just one day.  A day when you can be home or someplace safe.  Your thoughts are just thoughts.  You are deserving.  Find out what you are missing.

How about being grateful?  Are you missing that?  Take the time to acknowledge what is happening.  Sit with the feeling of gratefulness for all that you do have. Tap on the ones you are not feeling grateful for.

Here’s to your emotional and physical health.

Donna Bergonzi-Boyle

These statements should not take the place of your primary care physician.

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