The Ten Commandments of Juicing

This morning I had an epiphany. After slowly coming to consciousness from what appears to be a chocolate-induced full-body coma (I don’t remember much of what happened last night, but there’s evidence – a few dozen individually-wrapped candy bars wrappers littering the perimeter of my living-room couch like plastic Sloppy Joe’s rum cups line the gutters of Duval Street the morning following the last day of Fantasy Fest in Key West), I realize I need a shower. I also need some water. And some fresh juice.

And then it hit me! It was a shockingly joyous and exhilarating revelation, like the first time a four-year old discovers he can burp! One, Two, Three…they ran through my cranium so fast, I could barely keep up with the incredible wave of inspiration. I scrambled to jot down what was suddenly flooding my thoughts.

I grabbed a pen and paper, and wrote furiously. When I was finished, I sat back and took a deep breath. I raised the paper eye-level, and adjusted my focus, so that I could decipher the meaning of it all. And that’s when I realized I had become the humble recipient of a powerful, unexplain-able force - divine intervention, indeed – I’ve been called on to release the Ten Commandments of Juicing.

Having the blessing of the juice and fruit Gods reining through my chosen blood, I now bestow this incredible fountain of righteousness and wisdom on the meaning of juicing; to codify the path of the harvest believers to live a life of happiness, health, and of course, juice.

  1. Thou Shall Put NO Task Before Juicing - get your juice in the morning. Not only will it give you the energy and nutrients to tackle your full day, but it will help you get into a consistent routine and give you something to look forward to each day.
  2. Thou Shall Not Imitate Juice - many find supplement and vitamins to be a quick and easy alternative to juicing. The problem is that a growing body of researchers have found dietary and nutritional issues with vitamins and supplements, so I can’t suggest taking them. Besides, can anything really replace the taste of fresh juice?
  3. Thou Shall Not Take The Name of Juice In Vain – when your juicer clogs, don’t curse it. It’s little motor can’t take that kind of harsh criticism. Unclog it, and try chopping your fruits and veggies into smaller chunks.
  4. Remember To Juice on Holidays – I love holidays as much as the next guy, but it’s easy to get caught up in the whole “eat, drink and be merry” thing! Remember to juice on the holidays to keep up your regiment. Try some seasonal spices, fruits or veggies to keep it fun!
  5. Honor Thy Juicer – keep it clean and use it properly. Your juicer should last quite a while, as long as you treat it with care!
  6. You Shall Waste No Pulp – check out all the cool things you can do with juice and veggie pulp!
  7. You Shall Not Commit Fruit-dultry – we know those Ring Dings look pretty awesome right there on the corner of the supermarket isle (damn those clever marketing reps!). We must avoid temptation to turn away from our juice to junk food!
  8. You Shall Share Thy Juice – juice for your kids, neighbors, friends, and for get-togethers. This post was written last winter, but it’s still pretty cool. It’s my 4 favorite holiday drink recipes using fresh juice to entertain with!
  9. Thou Shall Read Thy 877MyJuicer Blog – keep in touch with us! Post to our Facebook wall, join our mailing list, and Tweet at us!
  10. Thou Shall Share Us – tell your friends about the blog, so they too can get a massive 15% off coupon on any product from the store!

Now go, and spread the mighty word of Juice!

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  • Marykaysimoni

    I tried some of the links and they’re not working… such as cool stuff to do with leftover pulp …..